Why do I bother?

I write. I sit and I write: words of meaning strung together to form sentences. Paragraphs large and small. I worry over punctuation and structure. Arduous yet obligatory amounts of semicolons; much more exciting then commas.

Best selling author Dan Brown has been quoted as saying that “The first order of business everyday should be to write.” However, as for most of us; we trudge along at the toils of our day jobs without the luxury of choice. So we write when we can; when the opportunity arises. Like now. I choose to write these words now.

But why? Why do I bother? Why do I care how many spaces there should be after the end punctuation? (2 please). Oftentimes, with pen in hand, I pour through my thesorous; searching for an alternative to the perfect expression of a particular emotion needed to make my paragraph move in one direction or another.

As I’m certain you are aware, this is not an easy task. Like any other endeavor, we strive to be the best. And we often fail miserably. Then with a fresh, crisp new page – we try again and hope that one day, someone will enjoy reading what we’ve worked so hard to finish.

Currently, most of my words exist in a vacuum. My finished works go unpublished; professionally anyway. And yet I continue to write; 2, sometimes 3 thousand words a day. A number of times, the words I write end up being gibberish and I’m required to edit and mold them into a coherent and intelligent thought.

Is the end goal to simply be published? I suppose that could be true. We all want to see our stories bound together by the perfect looking cover. A book store is a writer’s dream isn’t it? And yet I wonder.

If I were to never become a published writer, would that alter my love of writing? I’m not so sure. I enjoy the stories, poems, and essays that I’ve written over the past ten years. But, like my children; I want them to do well. I want them to be successful and to accomplish great things. Though, isnt it enough that I have them all to myself?

Thank you for joining me on this miniature journey. And remember, as a writer; the struggle is part of the journey.

Photo of the Day

photo-of-the-day

I ran a google search on “photo of the day” and this was the first photo that came up.  I thought it might be a fun little exercise to pick a photo then write about it.  Clearly this wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be.

I sat right here at this desk that I purchased from Pier 1, along with the abnormally soft chair that is currently holding me and my favorite zip up hoodie, and looked at the above photo for at least 37 seconds – thinking that it might just be that easy to be inspired by a tree in the desert.

I quickly started thinking about French fries.  Not just any French fries though; cheese fries.  No!  Cheesy bacon fries.  NO!!!  Bacon ranch fries with scallions.  Clearly I was not ready to write about this tree.   I looked at it again and felt a surge of concentration.

There was something of meaning here; regarding roots and branches.  Family maybe?  Maybe.  Too sentimental.  Too personal.

Jason called me a woman today.  We do that a lot at work.  Silly boyish banter that keeps us fresh and free of the bitter “I hate customer service” feeling for the rest of the day.  Unless of course I get a call about something that they want to blame me for.  Insert middle finger here.

Truth be told…  I loathe this photo.  There is so much emotion in its shadows.  The partially blued sky seems contradictive to the arid bleakness of the dry death looming over the small village nestled harshly in the background.  The cracked earth existence is compelling.  For all impractical purposes; I wish I were there.  Time has stood still yet life moves along slowly but with blood flowed purpose.  Time will move once again.  It will tear at the very bark of the tree, rip the fabric of this world in two.  Where will you be when this occurs?  Will you be sitting on your lush leather furniture – sipping your latte with your BFF?  Or will you be providing meaning to your photo?  Will it also be a photo that I will loathe?

Oct 22 2018

It’s cold. The sun shines and yet we still shiver. The cold is hard work on the body, and the body reacts to the cold. The mind reacts in the same way. Either reactive or proactive. We either prepare for the weather or we suffer from it.

The same can be said about how we walk through each other’s lives. Be something important to someone today. Including yourself.

That is all…

My fellow Americans…

Someone just asked me if I were to run for office, what my speech would sound like… Here it goes.

Liberal politics is bad for America. Conservative politics is bad for America. Liberals believe that the more money you make, the more taxes you should pay. Conservatives believe that there should be a flat tax rate No matter what your income is. Well I’m not here today to talk to you about taxes. I’m not here today to talk about political parties. We have all been taxed to death. Taxation bipartisan bullying needs to come to an end. How do we do that? By ending our need for compromise. This country doesn’t need a liberal leader. Nor does it require a conservative one. We need an American leader. One that has our best interest at heart. But enough of my pandering. Let’s get down to why we’re all here to begin with…

How many of you can say that you have no problem whatsoever affording your current healthcare coverage? A show of hands please… And is simply affording it enough? Is your current coverage adequate?

The state of healthcare in this country is an epidemic in itself. It doesn’t need to be revamped or updated. It needs a full overhaul. The main reason for high prices is that doctors need to be paid. And why is that? Anyone? They’re saving our lives. Where we must start is at the heart of the problem. We must shove a knife through the heart of the corrupt, and politically biased university systems and allow our doctors to afford to pay their bills. Allow them to pay off thier loans sooner.

Someone told me just the other day that when they receive a medical bill, it goes into a basket and sits there for at least 6 months. We can no longer tolerate this type of oppression.

Americans… I believe in America. I believe in the idea that was once America. We should be proud of our country but it’s hard to do when we’re continuously bleeding to death.

Thank you for your support.

I care.

Recently, a dear friend of mine asked me if I remember the 70’s. She explained to me how much we have changed since then. Instantly I believed that to be an obvious statement. And then I really thought about it. Have we changed for the better? “Back then we had real mayo in the fridge and whole milk and we didn’t need to care about the things that we care about today.” Today’s kids are bombarded with pressure; in school and on line. They see their friends with the expensive clothes. Do they wish for those clothes? I don’t know. I remember vividly seeing President Nixon on the television talking about how he had no plans of entering Laos. But as we all know, troops were invading Laos at that very moment. So politicians lied to us then too. So how much have we really changed as humans? Do I care more about my own life? Certainly because I didn’t care about anything back then. Maybe friends; friends were important. The most important. Those same friends that I don’t even know anymore. Why dont I know them? Perhaps because I have stopped caring. What is it that has made me stop caring? The fact is that I do care. But as an adult, my priorities have narrowed. I care about myself and the few people within my circle. So as a member of this planet, I try to be a good person but oftentimes fall just a bit short of successful. And you that are reading this now, know that I care about you. I care so much that you have entered my life at a time most needed. I care that you care for me. I care about the many things that are important to you. Life is a cruel joke my friends but we must live it to the fullest. We must suck out the marrow and stop to smell the roses.

I care.

In honor of the firefighters who gave their lives to save others on this day of remembrance…

When I was young; maybe 5 or 6, our home caught on fire. An aerosol can had come too close to the furnace and exploded. It wasn’t a huge fire and certainly not life threatening for any of us but it was very frightening. I recall being held first by my sisters and then by my mother. I would’ve been wrapped in my blanket – sheltered from the chaos. I remember crying once I learned that our dog Brutus died in that fire. That dog was my best friend.

Once the firefighters arrived, and we saw the damage, I felt my mother tremble. My father, who had been working nights had arrived soon after and I was placed lovingly on the curb across the street. My older sister came to sit by me and we held each other. The fire had burned a small hole in the roof just above my bedroom and I was told that we were going to have to stay somewhere else for a few days. It was disheartening to say the least.

Once the fire was out, our neighbors came around to offer help and I remember vividly one firefighter sitting down next to me. He put his hand on my shoulder as if to say that everything would be okay. He then picked me up and carried me to the big truck and let me sit inside. It was every boys dream. Afterward, he gave me a cookie from inside another truck then brought me back to my mother.

Eventually, the small section of our home was rebuilt by my Dad and his friends. We even got a swimming pool for the back yard. The neighborhood was different after that night; friendlier. I’ll never forget that night, and I’ll never forget that fireman who went out of his way to comfort a frightened little boy.

To all of those who sacrificed and gave their lives on this day 17 years ago, and every other day before and since: we owe you a debt that can never be repaid.

Coda’s Letter

I decided to dust off an idea I had a few years ago.  This is the beginning.  Let me know what you think.


 

Prologue 

 

Mexico City, Mexico 

Zocalo Square 1944 

 

 

Camilla Rosas set up her stand in the middle of the square, with a breathtaking view of the Basilica de Guadeloupe; her favorite place in the world.  Every day she watched as the faithful stood in line for hours to view the Tilma.  Tourists were also no stranger to Zocalo Square, or the Basilica.  American’s always came.  Thankfully, they always came with money.  For Camilla, and the other one hundred or so food merchants and street vendors: this was the only honest way to make a living in Mexico City.  Drugs, violence, and political corruption controlled the capitol.  If you weren’t involved in something illegal; you weren’t left with much of a choice. 

Camilla would often remark that Mexico City’s honest, hard-working people are here, in the square; selling churros and papaya just so they can bring home a loaf of bread and have the strength and dignity to get up the following morning and do it all again.  If it hadn’t been for the American tourists craving her fresh produce, she’d be outside the city peddling holy cards to people even poorer than her. 

This particular day was no different than any other: pilgrims stood in line and crossed themselves while tourists ate and drank in the hot Mexican sun.  So, it was no surprise to Camilla to see a small group of tourists standing near her cart, gazing around at the plaza in wondrous awe.  But they seemed out of place, like they were desperately looking for something without knowing what they were looking for.  She paid little attention to them as they zigzagged around the market; exploring the square before landing directly in front of her vegetable stand.  

There were four of them.  All men; and all of them dressed as though they were out for a fancy dinner.  Clean shirts and trousers, freshly pressed.  The shine on each of their shoes was high despite the dusty concrete.  To anyone else, they looked like well-dressed men sight-seeing.  But Camilla Rosas knew better.  She knew what they were.  And she knew their names.  The tall one, whose name was Coda, had taken a bag and began inserting random pieces of fruit.  At the same time – he asked: 

“Disculpe senora, Que es Este lugar?” What is this place?  His Spanish was impeccable. 

“Esta es La Villa de Guadeloupe.” 

“Never heard of it.”  One of the other men whispered sarcastically. 

Coda winked and took a refreshing bite of an apple.  Camilla winked back.  This was her cue.  She was unsure why this was necessary, but she loved this story. 

“In 1531,” She began as a crowd gathered.  Along the hill behind the Villa, Juan Diego was given a vision of Nuestra Senora de Guadeloupe – The Virgin Mary.  Proof of this vision was emblazoned on Diego’s Tilma, or cloak.”  She looked out at the people in line.  “The Tilma resides today in a shrine above the high alter, inside the chapel.”  Tears welled in her eyes as she continued.  “They come every day to see her: peasants, the crippled, old, young, rich, and poor.  From all over the world for a chance to be healed from whatever ails them.” 

Coda leaned over a basket of fresh tomatoes and handed Camilla a thick white envelope: the agreed upon amount.  She leaned in closer still and whispered in his ear.  He smiled and the four men continued their tourist façade. 

“What’s the name boss?”  Asked Elwin. 

Coda looked up at the glitter of mid-day sun reflected off the dome.  He looked back at his partners. 

“Miguel Fuentes.”  He wasn’t pleased. 

Padre Miguel Fuentes.”